National Poetry Month 2016: Day 13

I Do Not LIKE Facebook
(parody of  Green Eggs and Ham  by Dr. Suess)

I do not like Facebook, you see.
I do not like it. Let me be.

Would you use it here or there?

I have used it here and there.
I have used it everywhere.
I do not like Facebook, you see.
I do not like it. Listen to me…

You could use it in a house.
You could use it with a mouse.

I have used it in my house,
on my laptop, with my mouse.
I am using it today,
certain friends insist I stay…

Have you used it with a boat?
Using WiFi with a goat?

I have not used it on a boat,
nor with a WiFi-using goat.
Nor am I some kind of druggie.
I do not like Facebook, you see.

Would you use it on a train?
Would you make Friends in the rain?

I might use it on a train.
I would not use it in the rain.
Electronics and water!
Are you insane?
I just don’t like Facebook, you see!
Why won’t you, won’t you, listen to me?
I do not like it. Let.  Me.  Be.

You do not like Facebook, you say?
Why not try it, and you may!

I have tried it, you stupid person!
Yet this conversation continues to worsen!
I post on Facebook every week
and check on my friends, as we speak.
I often I use it in my house,
on my laptop, with my mouse.
I am using it today,
certain friends share photos that way.

But I have not used it on a train
nor with a goat–I’m not insane,
Though I suspect you may be mad.
Seek some help. You may be glad.

So you’ve tried it?  Don’t you see
how awesome LIKING posts can be?

Go away. You bother me.

I do not play those Facebook games,
called Candy Crush or other names.
I don’t like their clunky interface,
nor wish to add to their electronic database
so they can target advertise.
I do not really like those guys.

Yet I still use it, you see,
for certain contacts. So let me be!

Don’t you think it’s better than Twitter?
Don’t you think you’ll reconsider?

No,  I do not  think it better than Twitter!
You are the one who should reconsider.
One is static, allowing comments,
the other’s dynamic–not full of nonsense.
While both can post both good and bad,
fun and informative, or just sad,
Facebook posts are shouting at a pack
of people, trying to see if they shout back.
But Twitter’s an ongoing conversation
across the world, not just your nation.
Though sometimes they may advertise,
they do also let you organize
your follows into different lists,
you save your searches, and look at this!
Hashtags let you tag your posts
and follow subjects that interest you most.
There’s scheduled chats and shared links
and photos, games, and some highjinks…

Only one hundred forty characters
may seem a somewhat small parameter,
but that’s because there’s give and take
in dialogue. Make no mistake.

It’s your own fault, Twitter’s detractor,
if you fail to take in these other factors.
If, for instant communication, you see no use
across the nation–just call a truce!
Leave me alone, don’t Friend  me, no!
I’m blocking you now. Stop trolling, and go.

I can’t believe I commented back.
Who’s crazy now?
Crap, I’ve been hacked.

*–posted for 30 Days of Poetry from Cuyahoga Library’s day 13 prompt 

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