Buttercup, could you help me with this, please?
Really, Wesley! What am I, your mother?
Can’t you get it yourself?
Well, yes, but I’d rather you helped me.
Why do you need me to do things you are perfectly capable of doing yourself?
Huh? Buttercup, don’t be ridiculous.
It’s hardly ridiculous. So far this morning, I’ve gotten your breakfast, made sure you had all your things together for the day, now I’m checking your clothes…
I don’t need you to baby me. Just because I like having someone do things for me, doesn’t mean–
When you first came to the farm, you never told me about your family. The only thing you ever said to me was, “As you wish.” You can’t base an entire romantic relationship on a single phrase.
I was a servant boy! Why would you want to hear about the servant boy’s family? For all you know, my family–
For all I know, your family could be a bunch of sociopaths. Seriously, I know nothing about you, except now you claim to be a pirate and look dashing in black, and–oh yeah–you rescued me from that obnoxious…which I never asked for, by the way. Remember, I rescued you in the swamp.
I remember you betrayed me in the swamp–
You heard me.
That’s not what it looked like in the movie. Want me to rewind so we can watch it again?
Nope, no time before the costume contest. Besides, the movie is totally male-centric anyway, even though it’s supposedly about me. What’s up with that?
Seriously? It’s not like you do a lot in the film other than pine for me and get kidnapped and–
EXACTLY my point. It’s skewed.
How the hell is it skewed?
I actually had a plan to catch the kidnappers, expose the prince, and you ruined the whole damn thing!
I ruined it by saving you?!
I don’t believe this.
Right, completely unbelievable. That I would just sit and wait to be rescued and not act on my own behalf. How complacent and stupid do people think I am anyway?
You’ve read fairy tales before, right?
Yes, but this is a satire.
That’s it? That’s your comeback. How witty.
I thought you loved me.
Love you? I barely know you. This is the longest conversation we’ve ever had, and we’ve been around each other for years. Though I do admit, you do look pretty hot in black.
Well, it is roasting. In summer, I’m on fire.
Not what I meant…but I’ll take it.
So what do you want now?
Now? Well, I’d like to get to know you a little bit. Maybe if you get over yourself and we have some common interests, we might have a future.
Are you always this acerbic?
I don’t know. I didn’t have enough lines in the movie to find out.
I thought you said you had plans.
Yes, I did, but I never had many speaking lines. Hell, the movie was supposedly named after me. My name isn’t PRINCESS BRIDE; it’s just my role. My name is Buttercup–or was until recently. But I’m going by Antiope now.
Seriously. You changed you name?
No, it was always my middle name. I just never got to say it in the movie. I was actually a sleeper Amazon.
An Amazon? No, you’re not. You’re just capitalizing on the Wonder Woman movie. How many female leads are you playing anyway?
No, really. I age well.
Fine, Does that mean you are…err…experienced?
Smooth, Wesley. Real smooth.
What do you–?
Shut up, Wesley.
Fine. By the way, did you put Amazon armor on underneath the Princess Bride dress?
Yeah, I thought it would be a cool cross-reveal during the costume contest. The Buttercup dress has Velcro in back, so I can take it off easily. I’ve even got an Amazon sword stashed in the back!
Now that’s hot!
Shut up, Wesley.
I get that we’re getting into our roles for the con, but are we going to keep role-playing all day…and night?
I said, Shut up, Wesley.
I love you too, Buttercup.